I did it, you stupid m----r f-----r!

I love Teacher Tom, for many reasons. A new one today is his post on art education, in which he gives the best description of the creative process I've ever read:

"I had no idea if it was even possible to do what I was thinking about doing. Or rather, I had no idea if it was even possible for me to do it.

"It was exciting to finally fire up the circular saw and lay into those books. Would the spinning blade cut properly or just shred the cardboard and paper? Would it be a nice clean cut like I envisioned or would it be a mess? How deeply should I cut? Is it dangerous to be using this tool for this purpose? Will the cut be too wide to hold the hand saw securely? Would I have to resort to glue? What kind of glue? These and dozens of other creative questions and challenges raced through my head even while I was in the process of angling into the tops of those do-it-yourself manuals.

"Everything about getting those bolts installed was a struggle. I cursed and sweat. I regretted that I didn't have a drill press, but only the measly 3/8" hand drill I've been using since I was in college. The paper dust kept getting impacted in the holes, and the holes refused to line up through the entire stack. I had to stop frequently because the pages kept smoking, threatening to burst into flames -- at least that was my fear. Would some scorch marks add or detract from the finished piece? I sweat and I cursed and I nearly gave it up several times. At one point there were tears of frustration in my eyes, and as I tightened down the last of the nuts, cinching the entire thing into a flexed muscle of kinetic energy, I experienced a wave of relief and joy and "I did it, you stupid m----r f-----r!" that can only come from being on the other side of the creative process."

Mother's Day: don't diss your local rapper

Though of course it's not PC, in most hetero households the woman does the majority of all household work, from cleaning and cooking to childcare and running errands, even when she has a full-time paid job outside the house. And most of us don't feel appreciated for it.

Penelope Trunk even proposes that feeling unappreciated in the domestic sphere is a major factor in wives cheating on their spouses.

So, this Mother's Day, don't forget the flowers. Compliment her casserole. And maybe scrub the toilets, too, ok?

Getting old sucks.

Sorry for the lack of posting. We were out of town for the whole of Passover, and then I turned into an 80-year-old woman. No, really.

First of all, if you have never before spent Passover on the road with a small child, entirely at the home of non-Jews, try it sometime. It will give you an appreciation for what it was like trying to move an entire tribe of people out of their houses and into the desert.

First night seder at our house was followed by loading up the car and heading out at the crap of dawn for The Kid's first-ever real road trip. Day one took us as far as Scranton, PA, where we took in the wonders of Steamtown - a railway museum in an old roundhouse. As much as he loves trains, I really hope The Kid doesn't grow up to be one of the many middle-aged men without kids we saw geeking about trains there. You know who you are.

The next day it was on to New England, where an entire band of Swedish Lutherans (my relatives) were waiting to meet The Kid for the first time. At Easter dinner. Where they were serving (you guessed it) ham. Luckily we were prepared for this with yet more goodies from our cooler, although The Kid gazed longingly at the buttered rolls the whole time. Also, you know what's really exciting to a kid from a floodplain? Outside cellar doors. You know, the kind that slope down and flip open to reveal steps? Since we'd never had a cellar, he'd never seen these before, and spent most of the afternoon sliding down them - in his dress pants. Luckily, there was a lot of wine with dinner.

No, this picture has nothing to do with anything, except that it came up in a Google image search for CELLAR DOORS DUSTY and wtf? You're welcome.

We escaped the next day to the wilds of Western Massachusetts, and the homes of various old friends, and their approximately 3.2 million children. The Kid had a blast. I was reminded why I love having only one child. Let's just say I don't do well with chaos before I've had my coffee. I may have used the bathroom for non-bathroom-related activities. Like hiding. I also realized how lucky I am to be married to Bad Cohen - nothing like seeing other people's marriages up close, for days on end, to make you appreciate your own.

Given how well the trip went, and how happy I was with my newfound appreciation of our life choices, I was less than fazed by my pharmacist's revelation that no, in fact, I did NOT have any more refills on my Zoloft. (You may or may not know that early motherhood made me so insane my husband and doctor decided to medicate me. And then leave me on it, lest I turn back into the raging Momzilla who seriously considered breaking the sink full of dirty dishes instead of washing them because it would more effectively convey my feelings about housework. Ahem.)

Anyhoo, I felt great. It was sunny and warm, I loved my life, I have crappy insurance through Bad Cohen's grad school and can't afford to see a doctor, so this was a perfect time to stop anyway. A week later, I'm composing letters to the state Board of Education suggesting that we put all 16 year olds on antidepressants for a month and then drop their asses cold-turkey, so they can appreciate why they need to be nice to old people. I really think this would lower the sass quotient in high schools across the country.

Muscle aches, dizziness, fatigue - if I ever get back to being 30-something instead of 84, I think I will run up all the steps in my house just to show that I can.

In the meantime, send me good thoughts. And dark chocolate.

Bribery and Threats, the Essence of Good Parenting

I'm bribing my son to help with Pesach cleaning with the promise of matzah granola. Thank goodness he's so easy to bribe.

Spring is here

And I am sooooo ready to start planting. Now if only the weather would cooperate...

Omer NOMers

Updated: You can buy these online at my shop
Shipping is free, if you live in the U.S.

Ta-da! I'm finally ready to show off what I've been playing with for the last couple of months:


Based on an idea from Amy Meltzer, I've been making re-usable Omer Counters with pockets for each day, for treats (if you have kids in the house or a sweet-tooth) or kabbalistic meditation cards based on the theme for that day. Each one has a large pocket on the back which holds an 8.5 x 11" card with the blessing for counting the Omer and the counting, in Hebrew and English, for each day. Pretty cool, huh?

Now I just need to figure out where to sell them, and how, and for how much... before Passover.

3 new things

I feel like I've been stuck in a rut for a while, but that's really just because the startup phase of a new business is hard, and my daily routine still revolves around making breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner for a small child and working around his school schedule. Kids create giant routine-ruts around themselves, even though they are constantly changing. It's the only way we can feel like we've got a handle on these funny little short people.

Anyway, I decided I'm not actually in a rut. In the last couple of months, I've learned three important new skills that have changed me:

1. Bought an embroidery machine and learned to use it. This may sound like small potatoes, but I have very little patience with new technology. I swear for an hour every time Facebook changes its UI. With about 120 hours of practice, I'm actually getting quite good at it now, and have dealt with several different technical snarls (literal and figurative) by myself without throwing it through the window. Which is good, since we rent.
2. Discovered how I would respond when faced with a morally complex situation. We were getting importuned by a couple neighborhood boys who wanted to come over and play uninvited, and it soon became clear they may not have enough to eat or adult supervision at home. I went the range from inviting them in and stuffing their faces to talking to the school counselor and social worker, to setting boundaries on when they could come over that would push back a little against their guardian's negligence. (They do, in fact, have enough to eat, so all the Jewish mothers can relax.)
3. Decided that I do not have to do things just because I am good at them. I'm a great editor, and I love it, so I'm going to keep doing that. I'm a pretty good copywriter, and it makes me want to tear my hair out, so as soon as my current obligation is over, I'm never doing it again. Ever.
   

So, that's my list. What all are you learning, lately?